Art's Rib House 

Looks pretty good

Just one example of Art's classy decor.

Art's world-famous pickle sliver.  You get one with each order of Ribs in addition to a delicious piece of wheat bread.  Note, I am being sarcastic.

Matchup:  Counter Cafe VS Art's Ribhouse

Counter Café		2/15/12		VS	Art's			2/25/12
	Andre	Brian	Zach			Andre	Brian	Zach
Bread	7.5	7.5	8		Bread	8	7.5	7
Meat	8.5	9	8		Meat	8.5	8.5	7
Toppings	9	8	7.5		Toppings	8	8	6.5
Construction	8	7.5	8		Construction	8.5	8	7
Overall	8.5	8	7.5		Overall	8.25	8	7
Total Burger	62.5	60	58.13		Total Burger	61.88	60	51.875
Sides	9.25	8.5	8.5		Sides	6	4	5
Atmosphere	7	7	8		Atmosphere	2	1	3
Value	5.75	7	5.5		Value	6.5	7	7.5
Non Burger	19.13	19	19.25		Non Burger	11.25	8.5	11.75
Totals	81.6	79	77.4		Totals	73.1	68.5	63.63
Combined		79			Combined		68

Brian:
Well.  I am writing this four months after the fact.  That is a testament to the fact that I am a sh(tty blogger.  Also, Art's is now DEAD.  I mean it is closed.  They ain't serving BBQ, burgers....nothing.  Maybe that is why it was such a crazy scene when the burger crew went there on Saturday night, February 25th.  We stood at the host station a good ten to twelve minutes before we talked to anyone.  People scurried about frantically in all directions.  It was like being in some weird part of South Austin after the apocalypse (heh, heh).  I remember asking to be seated as far, far away from the setting-up family gypsy folk band.  Apparently the best they could do was about 12 feet away from that.  Once they got going, they were loud.  I remember our waitress was kinda foggy and not very good.  It was loud, we were starving, it took forever.....  The burgers were pretty solid when they did show up.  The meat was tasty and juciy and there was a good bun to meat ratio.  I had had a good burger here before and was hyped on Art's. They had an underground rep for making a solid burger. They still made a good burger that night but obviously (and sadly despite my flippant tone) they were in the final throes of sickness.  RIP Art's.




Dre:

Zach:

     Sometimes going to eat a burger is just like a laid back sort of thing, and sometimes it's an adventure.  This week was the later as we descended in to a nether region of sorrow and despair known as Art's Rib House.  Art's is supposedly an institution known for pork ribs and I guess for their South Austin vibes.  If these are typical South Austin vibes though, I think I'll move to Georgetown.  

     Upon entering we made our way to the front podium to be seated.  We waited for 5 minutes plus with no host or hostess in sight.  A small crowd of people also hoping to descend in to the pit that night soon were gathered in the cramped waiting area.  A girl eventually showed up and greeted us with a pleasant "I have no idea where the host is right now but he should be here some time".  Eventually this ethereal host type person did show up.  I think he probably had to take a break to wax his mustache which I must say looked quite excellent.  Brian asked for a table as far from the band that was setting up as possible.  The host twisted his moustache and smiled and said "but of course!" and took us to a table pretty much right by the band, because, as it was written and so it is known, all tables are next to the band at Art's.  

     We sat a while and eventually someone came to ask about drinks.  We had already had enough time to identify the burger we wanted and probably should have ordered then but we didn't know that our server was going to be stopping by at an interval of approximately once every 15 micro-epochs.  Eventually when she did come back, we all ordered the Art's cheeseburger with bacon, grilled onions, and jalapenos.  There is always such a good BBQ smell in here (which is probably roasting flesh of those unfortunately trapped in the lower levels of the pit) so we decided to order a half order of Rib's also.  

     Then the band started to play and the details are a bit hazy from here.  It's probably the same way that you might recall being tortured with battery cables like the moments when they stop briefly you can recall but otherwise it's kind of a white hot nightmare.  I did have the composure to ask if the atmosphere could be worse because I did realize this might be an important baseline we were setting for the club.  Brian said perhaps if instead of this bad country folk rock they were playing punk, death metal, or celtic songs.  At about that time the brain scanners picked up on our thoughts and from a fiery explosion a kindly old man wearing a kilt and a bag pipe appeared.  He joined in with the band for several songs adding yet another dimension to the anguish.   After what felt like an eternity (but was actually only the amount of time it takes to blink an eye) our burgers and ribs arrived.  
     The burger here is solid and tastes of quality meat.  The cheese is sorely lacking.  Something was giving the burger a slightly over-salty taste - perhaps salt in the meat + too much mustard or lack of mayonnaise to balance, not sure.  The jalapenos were actually hot, hotter than most places to the point it was almost alarming.  We devoured the burgers quite fast, hoping to hasten our potential awakening from this dystopian nightmare rib joint and because we were also super hungry. The ribs were pretty OK.  While the meat was tender, the ribs did still have the skin on them which was somewhat confounding as typically it goes away with enough smoking.  Art's does not serve french fries, rings, tots, or anything else delicious as a side so our sides consisted of chips and pinto beans which were about as good as chips and pinto beans could be (salty and bean-like, respectively).  The service was, I suppose, great as far as torture dungeons go, but quite bad by typical restaurant standards.  Similarly, the value of the burger at $6.99 is pretty good by restaurant standards, but when you factor in the mental anguish and emotional trauma absorbed during the stay it's really nothing special.
    The important thing is, we made it out and live to eat another burger!   

Box Score:  A VS B