Red's Porch

Brian:
Dre: 

Yuck.  Seriously, yuck.   We made an on-the-fly decision to replace Moonie’s since we had all been there and were all underwhelmed: decent burgers but not quite bracket-worthy.  Red’s Porch had a strong rep, and sounded very promising.   We couldn’t have been more wrong because it was really bad.  The giant onion rings were okay I guess but the batter to onion ratio was way off.  I ordered the Black& Blue Burger as I’ve recently become a fan but this might just be the worst burger I’ve had in Austin – no exaggeration.  The meat was overcooked and the blackened seasoning had a strange taste but the biggest offender had to be the “Bourbon Street bad Sauce”.   Not bad meaning good and the burger was smothered in it.  Top it off with some uninspiring bacon, add some poorly cooked fries and bad service and there you go.  Should have gone to Moonie’s after all; or Whataburger or anywhere else.  I did like the setup and I hear good things about their fried chicken so a return trip might be worth it but I’m staying way clear of those burgers.

Zach:

This place sounded so ideal.  It's billed as a cool South Austin eatery with lots of outdoor seating and good food and drinks.  What it was was a loud, unfriendly mini sports-bar with bad food and poor service.  This burger was not good.  I didn't even finish it.  I should probably just stop the review right there, what more do you need to know.  I can't remember not finishing a burger going back pretty much to my birth.  Not that I haven't had worse, but it was big enough that half way through I realized I didn't really want to continue in this endeavor.  The fries were overcooked to the point of being hollow inside which is just about the worst thing.  Service was sporadic at best.  My Dr. Pepper which I needed to help eat this sad meal ran empty and sat empty for what seemed like 15 minutes.  Well, you can't win them all and we lost on this choice to sub in Red's porch for Moonie's which we decided to kick out of the bracket for being mediocre and too far away. 

Box Score:  A VS B

Reds	Andre	Brian	Zach
Bread	5	5	5
Meat	4.75	5	5
Toppings	4	4	5.5
Construction	6	5	6
Overall	4.75	5	5
Total Burger	36.563	36.25	39.375
Sides	5	6	5
Atmosphere	6.5	7	5.5
Value	5	6	5
Non Burger	14	16	13
Totals	50.56	52.3	52.38
Combined		52