TEXAS CHILI PARLOUR

This week was a field trip for the SBC/SMC in that we were headed to Alamo Drafthouse for a Weird Wednesday screening instead of back to the Redroom Theater for Vigilante month. Field trips are always exciting and couple this with the fact that I'd never had a burger or actually stepped foot into the Texas Chili Parlour and you have a recipe for some mid-week excitement. I don't know if I'd ever heard of the place until that Quentin Tarantino movie came out. Well my buddy Zach was a pretty big fan so I figured we'd be good as gold tonight. Right as rain. Pleased as punch. Pretty.....pretty.....prett-ayyyy....... You get the picture.

We walk into the Texas Chili Parlour and this place was bringing the Post-Apocalyptic Styles for that ass! I mean seriously we walked in and a hunkered-down, toothless man with scraggly hair under his cowl cackled as he swept his arm across the visual palette of mutant customers gnawing on hunks of meat amongst strewn-about chairs and overturned tables. Actually what happened was a nice gentleman kindly mentioned that we could seat ourselves as my mildly stoned and generally confused looking self stared agape and confused and clueless upon entering the establishment. It did feel a little post-apocalyptic in that they were obviously on the tail end of a busy spell as many of the open tables we saw were uncleared from previous diners. We found a table way in the back corner, and I made sure to sit with my back to the wall so I could keep an eye on the front door. Always gotta watch the front door.

The waitress was at first prompt. She was cute, friendly and competent. We skipped the bajillion chili-centric options on hand and all opted for the Jalapeno cheeseburger. I added grilled onions to my burger in a stroke of genius. They don't have fries at this place which is okay with me, I mean I can see not wanting to mess with a deep fryer. Potato chips it would be then. I sipped my water (no beer for me tonight so I can try to stay awake) and watched the other sweat-pant clad waitress make the rounds. I can see why QT picked this place. It really is like walking off the downtown streets into some roadhouse type joint in anywhere, Texas. Wild stuff.

This is getting long. Pretty solid burger. The bun was restaraunt supply chain grade. Meat was cooked to my Medium order and a bit tastier than Jackalope's was but not super-tasty. This is another char-grilled burger. Again, I am more of a diner-burger/griddle guy. The burger was well put-together. Jalapenos and grilled onions were good but there could've been more jalapenos. Cheese wasn't popping at all. Tisk-tisk. The chips were Hill Country Fair Ruffles. I can get with that. But they get marked off in the end. I was nice and gave a 6 for sides. The waitress was super-good the whole time until the end where she didn't come for fifteen minutes to get the check while she gabbed at the bar with SweatPants and the barkeep. i still gave a decent tip. I won't be hurrying back to TCP in the end, unless it beats out its opponent: Hill's Cafe. Stay tuned.

Zach's Review of Burger: The TCP has been a newish favorite place to go eat since discovering it maybe a year or so ago. I never really ventured in because I'm not that big on Chili but they have a lot of other good things on the menu. Not too long ago I discovered the burger and thought it was really good. I had it twice before this outing where it was going to count, and unfortunately this burger seemed different than the two I had before. Those two seemed a little more "old school" meaning they seemed a little flatter and juicier and tastier. This burger seemed a little more "back yard". The patty was thicker and was a bit chewy. The waitress asked how we would like it cooked and I said for mine med-rare. She says "THAT'S a BOLD MOVE!". Not exactly what I want to hear... I can only assume if any place is asking how you want your meat cooked, that means that anything from rare to charred is an option and there shouldn't be anything TOO bold about that. It came out looking about medium to medium well. The bun seemed thicker than before and sort of generic as well. Sides were not too exciting. Not enough cheese. In the past it seemed like a good ratio of bun/meat/cheese but this burger was heavier on bread and meat, and couldn't really taste the cheese at all. Got to have the burger balance. Had potato salad since they don't have fries. Not really very good potato salad. All in all not too bad, but not as good as I had expected. Service started good but fell off the cliff later on. Up against TCP is a totally unknown oppoent (to the three of us anyways) - Hill's Cafe.

Dre’s TCP Review: From the outside, the Texas Chili Parlor looks like a normal enough place but then you enter and wow. You’re immediately transported to another scene. Definitely a throwback, divey kind of place full of character and it’s easy to see why Tarantino used it. A tiny bit overwhelmed when we first walked in but then found out that it’s self-seating. I ordered a Bass Ale which was a mistake – it was obviously an older bottle: a little skunky and the label was wrinkly. For my burger, I settled on the Jalapeno Cheeseburger plus bacon with a side of potato salad. That’s right – potato salad because TCP doesn’t do french fries only chips and potato salad which was for sure this place’s biggest drawback. The burger itself was tasty and very solid. Expectations were somewhat raised because Zach regularly champions TCP. Bread didn’t add much to the burger but it held everything together well. The meat was the best part: a nice-sized patty that was juicy with a good flavor. Toppings were average: the bacon was crispy and delicious and the jalapenos had some kick but the cheese was lacking (this has been a theme since we started the bracket) and the lettuce and tomato could have been fresher. The burger did come together nicely though – better than the sum of its parts. Potato salad was bland – I imagine it being scooped out of a big tub. Our waitress was nice and started out well but lost points at the end when it became clear that complaining to her co-workers was more important than handling our business. Even though the Chili Parlor was the lowest of the three so far I’ll go back to take in more of the atmosphere and get another burger. Plus I need to try that famous chili.

Box Score: Texas Chili Parlor

Texas Chili Parlor			1/12/2012
	Andre	Brian	Zach
Bread	7	7	6.5
Meat	7.5	7.5	7
Toppings	7.5	7	6.5
Construction	7	8	7
Overall	7.5	7	6.5
Total Burger	54.75	54.75	50.25
Sides	5	6	5
Atmosphere	7	8	6.5
Value	7	6.5	7
Non Burger	15.5	17.25	15
Totals	70.25	72	65.25
Combined		69.16667